Introspection

Over the years I’ve wondered why I’ve been so drawn towards more physical activities throughout my life. I’ve always disliked staying indoors for most of the day, and in the past I opted to work as a aircraft mechanic in extreme weather conditions with grueling physical work rather than sit in a work cubicle. I feel very strongly that a lack of consistent movement throughout my day affects my mental state quite strongly. Is it sheerly due to personal interest, or is there a deeper more inuitive reason that I choose this kind of lifestyle?

I suppose it’s because my body has consistently served as an anchor, a means to foster balance between my mind and the world. Aside from the joy of physical activities, I’ve noticed that I gravitate toward endeavors that demand heightened attention, focus, and control. Whether it’s scuba diving with sharks, skydiving, crossfit, yoga, rock climbing, or competing in jiu-jitsu etc., I’ve always embraced challenges that are laced with a heightened sense of risk, which I’ve often felt is a crucial step in discovering myself. How can I truly learn my limits if I don’t push them consistently?

I feel like there is this thin line where fear and excellence intertwine. It’s this place where I have to control the feeling of unease, where I have to be razer sharp and absolutely immersed in what I’m doing to perform at my best — or else I get choked out (jiu-jitsu) or take a nasty fall in rock climbing or skiing. I’ve always searched for the stakes to be higher, to dissipate the illusion of complete safety that we wrap ourselves in societally.

I persistently ask myself: What am I truly capable of?

Outdated Notions

While my intuition urges me toward limitless potential, there is still a tiny voice that speaks doubt and fears born purely out of exploring the unknown. This voice can only belong to the old version of me, the outdated version that hasn’t competed whatever challenge I’ve set myself towards. It’s not so much that I ignore this voice completely, because I do make conscious decisions that find balance between both risk and reward; it’s more that I refuse to operate the highest known technology in the universe (the human body) on outdated notions of what I’m capable of.

I’d love to share with you a beautiful quote by the philosopher Alan Watts:

Shedding the Past Self

In life we all navigate through uncharted waters, so keep in mind that doubt often manifests as a haunting voice – a residue from the outdated version of ourselves. It thrives on our past failures and unmet challenges, projecting a shadow over the limitless potential that lies ahead.

Recognize that the doubting voice belongs to an outdated self. It’s a voice that hasn’t felt victory in the face of challenges, and its echoes serve as a reminder that personal growth requires shedding the skin of the past.